Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
