We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
