Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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