I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My ass is underappreciated
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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