Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
