Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
