You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
