this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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