If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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