Say something about gay babies.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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