OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
