Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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