Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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