I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
