Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
