Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
