her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need a beard to bite.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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