I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
