I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
