It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
