school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize