well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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