Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
