I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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