I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you would pick up someone in the library
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
