You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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