True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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