And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
