That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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