Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
