We got so high we made milksteak
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
