Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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