Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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