Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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