I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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