and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My nipple is on Facebook.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize