glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
