One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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