I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
