Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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