I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
