I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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