I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
