And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
