Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
