i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
