You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
