I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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