he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
