Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
