I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
