i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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