Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
