Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
