God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
