There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
