Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
