Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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