I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
