Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
