I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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