you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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