3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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