I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
