She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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