Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
