apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
