i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
