I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
