and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
