Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize