If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
