Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
