Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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