did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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