I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
