In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
