When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
