I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
