The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
