im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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