I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
