so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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