ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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